wrong. wrong. wrong. wrong. wrong. wron.g

i miss dionne.

i feel really fucked up.
this is really hard to explain. really hard. um. i feel confident. kind of happy. but. all day i've felt a stinging in my eyes to cry. i just feel. unrepairable. like i'm always going to have this baggage. this past that is scary to other people or makes them feel bad for me or some shit. i fucking hate that. i'm so anxious all the fucking time. i want to be normal. i want to feel normal like that guy walking down the street. maybe he thinks i'm normal. people are so strange.
i don't know why i'm feeling like this.
i've been pretty okay the past few days. happy at some points.
maybe i'm getting nervous it will be taken away or something.
analyzeanalyzeanalyze.
i just feel wrong.
do you ever just feel wrong?

i want to know people like me. talk to them. cry with them. scream with them. the only people remotely close to this only visit. everyone here is fine.
i feel wrong.
i am not thinking about caleb. i am not thinking about anything.
i just don't feel like i should.
does any of this fucking make sense?!
am i going insane? i feel like it. i feel like i want this computer to talk to me. i want it to tell me to shut up or something. i want someone to tell me to breathe. i need people. i hate that. i shouldn't need anyone. i should be independent. i should be alone. i like being alone. right?
i'm losing it.
i feel like i'm screaming inside my body.