In Boston I felt alone because there were so many opportunities around me to interact with people but I wouldn't leave my room for days. I felt like this college experience was passing me by. I was wrong. Everyone was making friends and I wasn't so there must have been something wrong with me.
Here, It's actually kind of similar. I have friends here. This is my home. I grew up here and know way more people than I knew in Boston. But, I'm not close with anyone besides Hunter and Elly physically. I rarely talk to Pearl but still consider her the only other close friend I have.
Everyone else is someone I can get along with. Most of them are people I kind of like but if we ever talked more than we usually do-
I started saying something like "I know we wouldn't agree with each other and I'd feel awkward and mad."
That sounds kind of.. assumptive and like I'm just making excuses.
But honestly, I've learned shit about these people I once knew and they're fucked. up.
I talked with Hunter in the car and he said, "Instrumental is a lot more fucked up than I thought." I agreed with him. On the outside we look put together but on the inside you'd be surprised. The opposite goes for the visual artists haha.
But I mean, we're all fucked up. Most of us are faking that we're fine. And that's fine.
I need to get better at faking it. That's how you get confident. By taking a risk and faking like you're confident then people support you and reassure you and then you become actually confident. Maybe that's how it works with happiness.
I'm becoming closer with my cat. That's good, right?
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