I need to calm down.

I don't want to spend the weekend here.
I don't want them to move away.
I don't want to go to another party.
I don't want to have to struggle to get something right at Tallwood again.
I don't want my mom to talk to me like that.
I don't want to be on this computer because my dad is a fucking pig.
I don't want to feel like this or take all this medicine or go to two therapists because I can't do shit myself or handle it myself.
I don't want other people's help.
I don't want to be so underpayed.
I don't want to be so frustrated all the time with everything and everyone.
I don't want her to be out of town.
I don't want to graduate or start looking at colleges.

I want to lay in bed and sleep for a long time. Not forever. Not death. Just sleep and out of the way for a while. It'll be easier and better for everyone.

"I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning."

But it doesn't matter what I want.