Mama

She is crying now. I don't know why. I usually don't. It kills me.
Really late at night or in the early morning at the old house when we all lived together I heard her cry so hard in her room. I cried with her but she never knew.
She bothers me so much sometimes but still she calms me down. Whenever I have a panic attack I'm usually near her so I can go to her and she rocks me like a baby. A fucked up baby.

My dad is another story. I hate him.

My mom is over emotional, over protective, always in defense mode because of all the shit she has been through. It all makes sense but sometimes it is too much. But when I really need her. She is a normal mom. A good mom.
I try to spend as much time as I can with her now. I've said it to friends and canceled things so I can be with her. We need to stick together during this. She needs me. We need eachother. I need to stop being selfish and mean to her.
I love my mother. That kind of love that will never go away because we are family and we can yell at eachother and hurt eachother with our words but we will always love eachother.
My mother is a strong woman. I can only dream of being as strong as her one day.