i love you.

I want to talk to him right now.
Well i'd rather him be physically here right now. But that is less likely to occur.
Haleigh texting me was the last thing i thought would happen today though..

I cried today. I wrote him a note today. I talked to Dionne today. I wish all the things she said I could feel. I wish i didn't have to learn things the hard way and easily take others advice.
cliches:
everything happens for a reason.
everything happening to me SUCKS. what could possibly be the reason? for years things have sucked. when will it get better?

live everyday likes it's your last.
that's just.. really impossible. If it was my last day on earth. I would hang out with Caleb no matter how awkward and no matter how much he would suffer. I would say my peace to my dad. I would do something for all the people who helped me and i loved.
I don't know. that's just a little bit of what i would do.
maybe you're saying. well savannah you should do all those things! live everyday likes it's your last.
but i know it's not. i have to go through the next day. of caleb reminding me to not get my hopes up. to go through my dad being upset with me or not understanding or "understanding" and replying in a business tone with business vocabulary.
life isn't fair. but it's being extra unfair lately.