yesterday drained any emotions i've ever had out of me.
you know how we have those ups and downs over the weekend pearl?
yesterday was like 1013945 ups and downs in one day. it was so exhausting.
my contacts are about to fall off.
Good things that happened:
someone walked through the halls with me today and talked to me
i did the best in my class on my ap gov test without studying
i kind of felt better about my situation with my dad
i ate a lot.
i made symphony.
i didn't talk to caleb.
i set up a lesson with dionne kind of.
i got to talk to my real therapist and i came out feeling powerful again.
Bad things:
i missed one question on that test. an easy question. am i always going to miss one question? always be one away from something? almost the best. that's how i feel all the time. like some underdog. not in just one competition but seriously.. in life
i had to spend way too much time with my dad today
i had to talk to him
i cried more than i ever have in therapy
the new therapist would gasp and say "oh my god" when i told her about the other things in my life.
i don't understand theory four.
caleb is a fucking asshole.
he thinks he's so amazing. i fucking hate him right now. i'd love to slap him. if i ever get the opportunity..
katie was an asshole today. have a sense of humor..
dr. carol said i was overanalyzing the caleb shit. i really needed that. i think i might start to not think about it. hah like i can control that. right now it's filled with thoughts of hate though.
god i hate him.. he thinks he's so much better than everyone.
today will be good. or i'll crash and burn like the other days.
another appointment with dr henderson soon.. he gives me the pills..
we're already running low on money.
how can we pay for dr carol. dr buidrionos. and dr henderson. and the pills.
do i really need that much help?
i hate telling people about my suicidal thoughts. it puts everyone on edge around me. leave me alone. isn't it normal?
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