woke up. took my mom to work. went to elly's ready to take her to like a coffee shop so i could write a thank you note to jeff and haleigh's yearbook and eat breakfast with her. chilled in starbucks for a while. laid down in my mom's car with the windows down. went to therapy.
therapy has been good lately. well. actually. something more than good. maybe spectacular. or maybe a better word is possibly unnecessary? when i first started therapy. it was once a week. sometimes going in for emergencies after hours. psychiatrist. neurologist. -ists surrounding me. now i'm not on drugs. not harming myself. going to therapy every two weeks. and laughing and talking with my therapist and not even crying when i talk about events where i did cry. it feels good. i felt like i was "cured". which is so stupid. i don't think you can be cured of anything besides like cancer or the flu or something. but that thought just kept going through my head. i feel rehabilitated. cured. fixed.
BUT.
i have stopped going to therapy and it ended up not turning out okay. and this time of my life is kind of.. insane right now. separation. getting prepared for loss. i think it might be okay to stay with it. i mean. it's covered. and my dad can handle the expense.
i just feel stronger. like i know i'm not cured i've said that already but i feel like i have a stronger wall around me. and even if my wall comes crumbling down. i have faster workers to build it back up again stronger than it was before. (SO CHEESY OF A METAPHOR, but go with me for a little longer) before it was like. i either had no wall and was completely vunerable to anything. or people would keep like assaulting my wall and it would be destroyed and i would build it back up timidly and it would be paper thin and ready to be torn down again in seconds.
gah, so lame. but i'm just trying to explain the feelings that were rushing through me at eleven o clock yesterday.
then me and elly went back to the apartment and ate and watched tv and stuff. i did laundry. took her home. went grocery shopping for my mom. filled up the gas tank. picked her up from work. got dressed and drove to jeff's for dinner. i had a little fear it would be awkward with caleb. but whenever i'm thrown into this situation. i follow his lead. and last time at sam's party it was complete ignoring. this time it was pleasant. and even joking with eachother. (MEHHHH. SO CONFUSING) i'm sure it was just to avoid me and elly together at the party and last night it was easier because i was alone. but. whatever. point is. that was not a big point.
jeff's apartment: totally would you would imagine. modern. cool. plants. things that have long stories displayed. assortment of cheeses and crackers. trader joe's everything.
guests: andrew k, danielle, gabby p, katie, me, karl, jeremy, caleb, olivia sturgz (who is amazing by the way)
andrew k brought this board game called therapy (LOL@IRONY) and it was pretty funny. but it got tedious after a while. then we shifted to taboo and it was hilarious. the girls team was in the lead most of the game and at the end we tied. (adorable yes?) [i shoved the score card in my pocket for memory's sake because i'm a complete loser dorkface] {i don't think anyone noticed} \hopefully\ anyways.
andrew kept yelling the randomest things before anyone said clues. which was A) annoying. and not helpful at all but more importantly B. HILARIOUSSSSSS.
"VASECTOMY"
"SPERM. SPERM UHH. SPERM. SPERM SHARK!?"
"this is a country.."
"QUEBEC!"
so many others.
and olivia was trying to get us to say 'multivitamins' and it went something like this:
"okay, flinstones. chewy. things. you take them."
"VITAMINS."
"yes! but. there are SO. MANY." hahahahaha. i guess it's a had to be there thing. her inflection was amazing. she is so hilarious. and loves musicals. i hope we become insane friends over the summer. i doubt it. i mean.
so yeah! then we talked about gsa. and i left around 11:45 because i was afraid of falling asleep while driving and i was going to talk to elly on the drive home but she was really tired and had an exam this morning so. shmeh. it wasn't so bad until i got to the 64 and then i was kind of not completely focused. BUT I MADE IT.
i like staying out late.
but i get really tired early.
and that's it!
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