little things.

things i did today that were what i was going for on the whole "be better" plan:
-answer texts right when i get them or soon enough
-put things away, throw away things when i'm done with them instead of leaving shit everywhere
- cleaning a good part of my room. a good start.
-i was nice to most everyone today. i think. well from my point of view i wasn't completely mean. i don't know. that's a hard thing to say for certain. but i tried hard today.
-i told jeremy to tell teply i was going to be late due to therapy
-didn't eat too badly. too badly? that seems wrong.
-been taking pills regularly
-i came prepared with pencils and pens to school!
-i actually went to school
-i got a 4 on my ap gov 2002 exam
-i turned in all my forms!
-

okay my dad just called.
he didn't say much that.. was enlightening.
he almost.. kind of yelled at me. maybe that's just the way he talks or that's just the way he comes off. or i'm just a fucking emotional wreck right now and any thing that isn't babying me sounds harsh. i don't know. but while he was talking i started to cry. and i'm actually still crying. but i know it's stupid to do so. so. gotta type it out.
things will work out. that's what i keep telling myself and others whenever they have problems..
this whole financial shit will be figured out. berklee will figure out that even though my fafsa says that i'm a male or something. they will see i'm a female and it'll get fixed and i'll find out how much money they are able to give me and then my parents and i will figure out how we can pay for it. that's what my dad said. i asked if vcu is still like. a chance of me going there. he said don't rule it out. but. we're going to try to figure out how to pay for it. he said the divorce plays a big role in it because.. it's a big financial thing. for lack of a better word. you know what i mean. it sucks. the situation which has caused me the most pain might be an obstacle once again for my future.. great.
i'm just stressed. and this phone call didn't release any of that. i'll be okay though. things will be okay. things always get better. i'll be better.
i will be less anxious one day. and maybe even not have to battle depression. maybe crying will become a thing of the past one day.
i shouldn't put all my confidence in the future though. i have to work on the present. be a better savannah now and not wait for the future to happen.
i just need to stay optimistic i guess.
that's what i'm trying to say.


i was going to list the things that aided in my future and then list the things that weren't helpful. but. i need to stay optimistic so. let's just skip that part!



tomorrow i will listen to get me bodied. see if hunter is right.