reasons why crying was inevitable:

1. i'm a big baby
2. my guidance counselor has no confidence that i will graduate due to all my absences.
3. viet was being kind of a dick about me learning my countries
4. my mom picked me up for lunch
5. i completely forgot about performing at the coffee shop
6. i had to ask eric for a ride
7. my dad picked me up in his girlfriends car again
8. we had dinner and discussed college $$ stuff

AND THAT'S WHERE I LOST IT.

smack of reality in the face. my little dream world was gone. i started questioning everything:

WHAT IF I WAS JUST ACCEPTED BASED ON POTENTIAL SINCE I DIDN'T GET A SCHOLARSHIP AND I END UP SUCKING AND WASTING ALL THAT MONEY MOSTLY MY PARENTS?

WHAT IF VCU IS AWESOME AND I'M MISSING THAT OPPORTUNITY?

WHAT IF I'M MISERABLE AT VCU OR BERKLEE?

WHAT IF I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE A SUCCESSFUL CELLIST AND END UP NOT BEING ABLE TO PAY OFF MY CRAZY STUDENT LOAN DEBT?

WHAT IF I SHOULD JUST NOT BE A CELLIST AND DO SOMETHING MORE STABLE?

so many things. the list goes on and on.

so. i tried to call jeff or dionne because they have crazy student loan poops and have been through college already.

then i tried pearl because she is in college now.

then i called elly because she's pretty hahah. kidding. because she calms me down.

and it was good.

and i thought about this:

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
Henry David Thoreau

sooo. just gotta. foundation it up. i'll be okay.

it's worth it. i'm confident. it's worth it.