thinking.

not a good thing.
i suck at talking to hunter. i just. blehhhhhhehehe. last night he texted me and i was just having dinner with my dad. and i already feel kind of weird bringing elly all the time. well not all the time. sometimes he asks if she wants to come. but last night i totally brought her without telling him. sometimes i feel like he wants to work on our relationship at dinner. and by bringing a third party it's like.. ruining that somehow. and then texting throughout just makes it more awkward. and then we saw this former skinhead talk and it would just be rude hahah. don't want to get kicked in the face with his steel toe boots.
i just feel like it's always the wrong time. like with patty.
i've been thinking about her a lot. i need to talk to her. we haven't talked in a really long time. she seems still friendly though. like she's not mad at me.
i just need to initiate things.

i have this problem. where when people text me. i answer it in my head and move in. never really replying. which causes a lot of people to be mad. mostly my parents. but. i do it in real life too. oh i'll do that later. i think i've done it in my head. and i haven't. poop! i just thought of something. cellopaloosa. i need to ask about that. see! fuck.

i've also been thinking about something else. i don't really know how to go about talking about that. so i'll wait.

berklee has also been crazy on my mind. i don't know what to say about that. i just think about day to day things. walking to class in the cold. with my cello. seeing people on the street waving. just stupid things.

i hate waking up early. i always do this to myself.

okay. i'm starting to get in a weird mood. hannah hasn't emailed me back. still. and. blah.


whatever.