she's fed up.
my mom's confused.
my dad's more confused and can't ask me how i feel.
elly helps. i know that i'm clinging to her. but. can that be okay? can everyone just be okay with that for a while? i can't. i can't even talk to hunter on the bus.. i can't talk to people without fucking up. calling them a douche. crying. so dumb.
i feel really awful. she's fed up. i. i give up. and it's okay. i have a month. everyone gave up months ago. i can give up. exams are over. i can give up. i know my music for the concert and the recital. i can give up. it's okay right? why can't that be okay?
i've been trying. to no avail. i try being happy. and conversing. and joking. then i start crying. and try to still laugh and joke. then it's even weirder.
i just give up.
the things people say. really stick with me. i don't always follow them or follow them the wrong way. but i always think of stupid things people say and replay them in my head. i'm being vague. but. whatever.
i'm going to lay down. or go on tumblr. hah. what an idiot. i'm so fucking stupid.
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