day fourteen.

looking back. i was generally in a bad mood.
gov. whatever. i studied the whole time.
eng. anger. ya ready? here it comes. YOU THINK YOU'RE SO HIGH AND MIGHTY IN YOUR SCA SHIT AND PRESIDENT OF 2010 WHATTHEFUCKEVER. AND THINK YOU'RE FUCKING SMART TAKING 15 APS AND GETTING 5'S ON ALL OF THEM. BUT YOU TALK THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME DURING THIS CLASS AND THEN YELL AT OTHERS TO SHUT UP. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I HATE YOU GUYS. I HATE YOU GUYS. EVER SINCE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. YOU DON'T CARE. YOU JUST WANT TO LOOK GOOD. THERE IS NO SUBSTANCE TO YOU. JUST YOUR GRADES AND YOUR LOOKS. SUCK MY DICK.
also. referring to the same class:
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS. YEAH THAT GIRL IN THE POEM KILLED HERSELF. HER LIFE WAS MISERABLE. YEAH IT'S HER PARENTS FAULT. YEAH IT'S SOCIETY'S FAULT. IT'S EVERYONE'S FAULT. DON'T BLAME HER. SHUTTHEFUCKUP. HOW ABOUT YOU GET RIDICULED EVERYDAY AND SEE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KILL YOURSELF AFTERWARDS.
LIKE YOU DO TO ME. LIKE YOU FUCKING DO TO ME.
then i practiced.
then gsa. i sat next to haleigh on the bus. i do this thing. when i've.. been estranged from a friend or i'm mad at them. i joke about my anger and they'll be like "yeah beccie just stopped talking to me so we're not friends. it was so out of the blue" "you're good at that too! :D" so passive agressive.. such a bad quality. oh well. it was like that the whole bus ride. we did laugh though. it was.. not awful.
quintet. bad mood. elly was. out of it. i was out of it. i wanted to just focus on the music. everyone was goofing off (which i usually do) but today i was not in the mood. it was fun though.. i guess. just ughhh.
da camera. same thing as quintet. jason agola kept like. fucking bumping into me and goofing off and being so fucking loud. same with mackenzie. i was trying to play this piece eric composed for cello and i couldn't hear myself and he is probably worried.. UGHHGUHGUHGUG.. I'M A GOOD CELLIST I SWEAR.
i thought.
great composers. mood better. elly felt better. i think we're at that point in the relationship where my mood is directly linked to hers. last night i was just. in so much pain in my chest because she was so upset. i care so much about her. and today. seeing her not herself. god. i really had to hold it in to not cry during da camera. we're connected.
the bus ride was good. really good. i got to sit next to her. very good.
driving school i got 178/200 on my test. passed. license back tomorrow bitches.
ughhh. still in a weird mood. i need to talk to elly.
i hope this isn't unhealthy.
maybe.
who cares.
i like her.
also.
i want hunter happy. can the forces of the earth give my friends a break for a second? that'd be great.. or jesus. whatever. anyone/thing. just stop being a dick for a second. they're good people. i love them.