at the viewing. i cried. but then it all stopped. i was one of the few who left from my group who wasn't crying. i guess.. i've built up a thick skin. or i've cried too much already. or i don't know. maybe i'm thinking he was such a good person that he finished his job here. he didn't need to be here any longer. everyone else hasn't. that's what someone told me when my aunt died. she was an amazing woman. one of the few people i can say that was always nice.
also. whenever you start squeezing your way into my life again. shit sucks and gets more complicated. don't call my mom. who the fuck are you? like.. really? god.. i want to be your friend. but you make it so dificult. i hate that. i hate it when i have to try really hard to be someone's friend. that happens way too often.
i wish that i could have been there with you throughout the viewing.. i don't want to leave you on a bench crying by yourself. i'm sorry i didn't go looking for you. i just. i don't know. that whole time there was so.. surreal.
i don't want to leave you alone friday night. but i don't know how it would work..
i'm just really.. not feeling awesome right now and i think it's best to just focus on what's in front of me. focus on school. cello. i don't know. god. i just. want a break from everything. i can't handle all this shit.
everyday i'm beaten down by new things and somehow i'm expected to get back up and face the next day.
gabby can.
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