jesse lacey knows just what to say.

i found more ryan pictures on my dad's computer. not like that's a good thing at all but one day a long time ago i couldn't find any pictures of me and ryan. not a good thing. i hate this computer.. you're coming over today. i'll make this right..
i can't go back to that. i won't let myself. you had your chance. you rushed into it by asking me out. you broke up with me. you were controlling me. i've forgiven you too much. i haven't done anything. i can be happy. i need to stop trying to stop myself from being happy. i can't throw away someone amazing like elly. yesterday was aweful.
"how is the doubled dosage on your medicine?"
yeah my fucking pills.. i use to take 10 mg now it's 20. i don't understand how he can DOUBLE it without even seeing me. just one phone call from my mother..
i hate pills. i don't feel better or worse.
i hate this house. it always reaks of bacon. i hate the smell of bacon. i hate movie theaters. i hate steak. i hate my dad. i hate that i'm stuck here next weekend too. i hate that i am required to spend time with him. i hate that my mom calls me all the time. i hate that my phone is a piece of shit now. i hate that this five bedroom house that was teeming with life and memories is a shell of what it once was with some lone bachelor who use to be my happily married dad. i hate how the refrigerator is full of alcohol and not food. i hate that everytime i make a new tab the most recently visited website is porn. i hate that everytime i go in my dad's room looking for the nail clippers or something theres something fucking disgusting in there. i hate this place. it's fucking gross. i hate that grizzley is dead. i hate that my dad killed him. i hate that i hated him. i hate that i suddenly went into an angry rant all of the sudden. i hate that i don't give a shit.
fuck everything. that's a great new philosophy.
i'm just going to listen to daisy all day.
great mood for this day. awesome.
i hate that my mood can change from one paragraph to the other. i hate that people keep asking if i'm okay.
i'm not and and i never have been and i probably won't in the future.
okay.
that's a terrible word.
i need to shave my legs..