day fifty nine.

i'm going to try to sum up the events of the past two days or whatever. i have a shit memory so.. here we go!
th/fr: talked to caleb. it got bad. he signed off mid convo. missed elly's goodnight calls. caleb left a long voicemail of apology.
fr: felt like shit in the morning. mom yelled at me. i lost my oceanography book with all my oceanography stuff in it. so. i was expecting more yelling from him. cried on the way to school. got sonic. went home due to crying. i guess it was just like. i feel like everyone's punching bag and everyone takes out their anger they have for something else on me:

caleb is my good friend. we have always been best friends. so it's okay for him to vent to me. but. the other night. he was just. mad and sad about his other things going on. and randomly. COMPLETELY RANDOMLY. would bring up everything that happened between us concerning elly and blah. he's not mad at me. he's mad at everyone else. i got over it. he hurt me so badly. and i got over it. yeah, i hurt him badly too. but. god. how many times can i say this? HE BROKE UP WITH ME FIRST. is that childish? i don't think so. he shook everything we had. god. it doesn't matter! i'm happy now. i just hate how he wants pity. i hateeeeeeeeee when people pity me.
"9:45pmSavannah
do you want people to feel bad for you?

9:45pmCaleb
uh
YEAH
i do"

my mom can do it because i'm her daughter. she's upset about all the shit things in her life. and i do one little thing wrong and she unleashes all her emotions on me.
mr. baumer. the least of my worries. but maybe the most frustrating. always yells at me. when i ask for makeup work. when i ask a question. the whole class is full of obnoxious disrespectful assholes. yeah. but i do all my work. and i finish it fucking first. and on my own. and all correct. so don't take out all your shit on me. ughghhghg.

so i went home insanely crying. got over it. went to gsa bus. theory. caleb was weird at first then opened up and we talked like old times. which sometimes bothers me. but it's better than nothing i guess. 2:00 got on the bus basically. elly got bad vibes from caleb. i felt awful. um. things got better. it was fun. mackenzie can be obnoxious sometimes. uhhh bus things. got to the hotel. pool. caleb was an asshole to jonlin. "i like your new person a lot better than your last" that was nice of her. went to bed. woke up at 3am. had an adventure. went back to bed. breakfast where everything was the same taupe color. all state! started a woodrow wilson thing. got 21/56. aaron got 1st! i'm so happy for him. he deserves it. everyone was celebrating him. i hope everyone appreciates him more now.
had lunch with gabby and trevor and elly. that was interesting haha. i knew something trevor didn't! haha. i respect him in certain ways. me and elly are getting more couplelike. i'm so excited hahaha. i don't know how to explain it. it just. it's just happening. haha. we went to barnes and noble looked at stuff. michaels. petco. had coffee. walked around. blah. helped katie get her penis on the bus. bus ride was amazing. i can't remember much more.

it was honestly just really good. and it felt longer than it was :)
i miss pearl.
i'm tired.
i'll talk more later.
oh! i mentioned this blog to gabby and katie. i was about to give them the address. but i decided against it. i think that's a bad idea.