day thirty three.

• What is your image of yourself?
• i kind of cringe and hope that people don't look at me as a dumb annoying person who just goes around talking and laughing way too loud. i know it's true. a lot of people view me like that. but i've made it my goal to find a way to still act like that but prove to them that i'm intelligent and fun to be around.
• i sound like i'm on a dating service.
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• What elements, such as sexuality, play a role in this and how?
• the image of my self and sexuality. i've been told by some bitches that i give off lesbian vibes. then from others that i seem straight. the image of myself? i don't really want to be defined as either. let me explain that.. i don't want to walk in a room or meet someone and the first thing the remember or take away from seeing me is that "oh, yeah, that lesbian with the lip ring" or the other way around. i want to that nice girl with the lip ring or funny or something. something deeper than that i guess.
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• Do you have a goal for what you'd like other people to perceive you as?
• i kind of mentioned it above. but the biggest thing. for the other GSA members and musical friends i have. is for them to see me as a good cellist. maybe even a better than average cellist. that is really important to me. i don't want my sexuality, my negative personality traits, my positive personality traits. anything to get in the way of that. i just want respect i guess. that's all. no one like bowing down to my cello godliness. just some respect as a cellist. and to some people i feel like they just see me as the court jester.
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• What factors do you think play into other people's preconceived judgments of you and how?
  
• preconcieved judgments. my lip ring for sure. i hope i'm answering these to your liking hunty.. but when people first see me they see maybe i don't know. because clothingwise i don't think i really fit into a stereotype. i'm not a hipster, or like.. a skater? ahah emo? noo. preppy? not really. i have no idea. for that aspect. but most people just see my lip ring when they first meet me. i'm sure they don't think i'm so criminal because i usually have a dopey smile on and like. a tie dye shirt haha.

• How do you think other people see you?
• well, hunter said i looked intimidating. or something liek taht. or acted it. so hopefully not that. i think my over-the-topness scares like first years a little bit. but. i think "other people" view me as a happy, obnoxious, friendly, annoying, loud, girl with a lip ring who plays cello.
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• Friends?
• depending on the level of friendship it changes to maybe. sad, loud, hopefully a good friend?, unreliable, girl with a lip ring who plays cello hahah.
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• Acquaintances?
• i have a lot of these. at gsa and one at tallwood. tallwood thinks i'm smart i guess because we have classes together, gsa acquaintances: probably just straight up annoying.

• What are your views on fate?
  
• SO HARD. uhh. sometimes i think we're just specks of dust floating around. sometimes i think this was meant to happen. this is a sign that something good is going to happen. then i think why was this suppose to happen? there is no reason this is suppose to happen.. no one deserved this.
• maybe we're not suppose to know.
• what a copout. but yeah. that's what i think. i have no idea and i'm fine with it.

• Cameltoesphincter?
• MOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEE KNUUUUUCKLEEEEEEEEE!