day forty eight.

so. uh. gov. i took a test that was suppose to determine if i'm ready for college and a job. it was a ninety minute test where everyone got a different "task". kind of like an issue we had to solve.
mine was that. males at statesville university have abnormal sperm. factors that could be he culprit were: heavy drinking, BrainBoost (a memory enhancing drug), fraternity membership, or close proximity to power lines.
i bullshited for about thirty minutes. then we all had to take another test that reminded me of the ODC and kemps landing test. a lot of. what doesn't belong? what comes next in this sequence of numbers? joe is 34 and mary is 4 years younger, i live in the subway and have a black beard full of squirell feces, therefore, joe is having premarital sex with mary. right?
uhhh.
IDON'T KNOW. i didn't finish in time. because i suck at math. sucksucksuck.
then english we did the same thing we always do because our teacher is never there. i still haven't gotten my makeup work from there. fuck thatttt.
study block the band director pointed out all the inappropro stickers on my case and told me to take them off or i can't store ze cello in there anymore. and he was going to call my mom. so! he did. and i said whatever.
bus rideee. lame. elly has her phone! yaaaay!
first hour. normal. i asked teply sibelius analyzing questions. i asked katie similar questions about bowing shits. i got a sightsinging thing stuck in my head. fi so fi so fa mi re do fa fa ri mi something.. second hour i asked jeff sibelius stuff katie wasn't sure of. hunty and raerae did senior shit. BY THE WAY. i need to think of those things. fuck.
caleb played really well. jerjer too. andrew's peice was awesome. i don't like him too much to say he did a good job. i'm an asshole.
orchestra i got beauty in the beast stuck in my head somehow. austin is an unsatisfying stand partner. DIANA LI COME BACK. anddd. yeah! went home..
CAUSE I HAVE PIMPLES ELLY?
i like that girl.

i just covered my cello stickers with paper that says CENSORED. lame? but i don't feel like i've compromised my beliefs. hahaha. that's too intense. i don't have strong censorship beliefs. it just pisses me off hahah. CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. fuck that. plus! i like the word fuck. and. i think more things should be made of hemp. i'm not the best enviromentalist. but. that'll help! less synthetic shit. more hemp. it'll be cheaper once everyone buys and sells it.

i love hunter's poop texts.

i love elly's mix. i am listening to it again now.

what do i appreciate..
my friends. my teachers. my parents. school activities like gsa, literature, activists, passionate people, kind people that do kind things for no reason, strangers who talk to me, music and people who make it and play it, minorities, the underdog, fearless people, people, people who against the grain, people in history who fought for the things we take for granted today, people who put their life on the line, extraordinary people, people who open the door for me, people who respond to hi, how are you?, people who actually give a shit, people who try, people who put in the extra effort, romantics, optimists, -ists, sylvia plath: her life and her work, people who do things for themselves and not just for others approval
people? would i be safer saying people? 95% of those were people. or i guess. qualities of people. which are given to people by their parents and teachers. or are they born with them? hmm.
THINGS TO PONDER.

i had dinner with my dad. i had to ask him for money :/ i hate that. i need to find a prom dress.
i need to buy my ticket.
i need to practice my concerto. fuck me. that's going to be bad. i'm not going to win.
god.
i really wanted to. but i'm confident i won't.
i want to go to vcu.
i hate that caleb will think i'm settling. i shouldn't care what he thinks. but i know he'll be thinking that i'm doing that. and that pisses me off. he's so condescending sometimes. jesus.
i like my mom.
i think i'd be happy at vcu.

i'm really afraid of not getting in.